lol! Yessenia said i was fuirty because i brought this wallet & carried this bag together.
WHATEVER! michael kors & marc jacobs; cute, right? =)
April 7, 2009
April 5, 2009
-- story of my LIFE.
it could all be simple. . .
but you'd rather make it hard.
loving you is like a battle
& we both end up with scars.
tell me who i have to be
to get some reciprocity
'cause no one loves you more than me
& no one ever will
is this just a silly game
that forces you to act this way?
forces you to scream my name
then pretend that you can't stay
tell me who i have to be
to get some reciprocity
see no one loves you more than me
& no one ever will
no matter how i think we grow
you always seem to let me know,
it ain't working, it ain't working
& when i try to walk away
you hurt yourself to make me stay
this is crazy, this is crazy
i keep letting you back in
how can i explain myself?
as painful as this thing has been
i just can't be with no one else
see, i know what we've got to do
you let go & i'll let go to
'caues no one's hurt me more than you
& no one over will
no matter how i think we grow
you always seem to let me know,
it ain't working, it ain't working
& when i try to walk away
you hurt yourself to make me stay
this is crazy, this is crazy
care for me, care for me,
i know you care for me
there for me, there for me
said you'd be there for me
cry for me, cry for me
you said you'd die for me
give to me, give to me
why won't you live for me?
--
where were you. . .when i needed you?
March 31, 2009
-- sex & the CITY.
NOTE: this post is for future reference; in case i start to second guess, regret, etc.
it's here to remind me of our higher altitude & our LOVE.
i know i've said this to myself numerous times, but i swear yo -- Carrie & Big = Me & Rodney. LMFAO! don't-say-NOTHING. i mean, besides the fact that they're white & twice our senior, we have a lot of similarties; love wise. we are the CITY. i mean shit, we've been through a lot, almost 5 years between us. he's my first love, my last love, & all that in between shit. as much as i hate him & as much as we fight/argue/break up to make up -- if this isn't love then there's no such thing. point BLANK.
i miss him as every minute passes. corny, right? as long as he isn't next to me, i'm missing him. even when we're together, i contemplate on how much i'm gonna miss him the second he's gone. lately it's been really bad. i just see everyone else & listen to them talk about their significant others. i'm like man, stfu nobody wants to hear about that. so instead of listening, i daydream & block out whatever fuckery they're rambling about. i'm so in love with him, it's more than infatuation because i've accepted his flaws & he's accepted mine. we never believed in soulmates but it just seems that God made us for one another. as many times as we felt like leaving, or other people tried to convince us that we should leave each other alone we just couldn't stay away. i can't see my future without him, he's my everything. i thought about the possibility of us breaking apart & going our separate ways, but what would it be like if i went on with my life with another man on my side, & him with another woman? it just doesn't make any sense, it doesn't fit.
"so not compatible, that we're compatible" i can't go 60 seconds without thinking of that man. (Rodney not Joe Budden lmao) every song on the radio, everything on tv, every movie, every experience, everyone i meet, all the conversations i always manage to think of him & manage to incorporate & relate him to every single word & scenario. everything i do & say i think, "how would Rodney feel?" of course he loves that lol. my heart jumps whenever his name pops up in my phone; my heart melts when he calls me "baby, mami, mama, love, sweetheart" all that good stuff; my body lights up whenever he laughs; i fall asleep listening to him breathe; i always believed that his eyes are the windows to one's soul, so in that case, i can see heaven through his.
AHHHHHHH! is this really me typing this? i can't believe this. yes, ladies & gentleman -- this what love has done to me. even when things are so bad between us, all i have to do is dwell on all the good feelings he gives me & then my heart melts. yeah, he's made me cry enough to hydrate a third world country but i mean, that's love. love is pain, love is hurt, but it's also replenishing & makes you feel a little closer to heaven. i can talk about him all day, everyone knows. i say his name more than i've said mine throughout my entire existance. if he ever cried, i'd cry twice. whatever he needs he knows i'm right here, no matter what he does i still remain the wife. he's made me look at life through a whole new perspective. as much as i've complained, cried, said & did things out of anger -- the truth still remains that i love that man with every breath in my body. i could never feel this way about any other person on this earth or the entire universe for that matter. i know we're still young but even he says, "how are we 21 & 22 & like this?" our love is a gift from god, i believe. if everything happens for a reason, he's in my life for a higher purpose & i intend to keep him here until my heart stops pumping -- & even then, his love will be the strength that pulls me off my feet & into the sky.
besides all the "love" shit, we have a higher understanding. i mean, why go through all the bullshit with somebody else? we're made for each other. when all love runs out, we'll still have understanding, loyalty, trust, & compatibility. life is hard enough, but at least we have each other to rely on. ALRIGHT! i'm done, seriously. enough rambling about me & theloveofmylife. haha, jus had to throw that last bit in there.
PEACE to babylove!
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