-- POISON.

annoyed. . .as usual. i mean, srsly why am i always in a bad mood? i`m surrounding by nothing but negativity; yet i`m the one who's called out as being "negative". RODNEY is number one on my hitlist. fuckshitassbitch; our relationship has never been as bad as it is now. all he says is, "we're growing" -- no the fuck we aren't. we're stuck because he's selifsh, self-centered, & prideful. he's been on my ass for the last month asking me for the same thing. I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT. all he does is push, man. he's annoying me. i've said it more than once, all this bullshti outweighs any positive that comes out of our relationship. he wants to go to college & buy a house. . .sound good, right? wrong. he wants to have parties all day, everyday so he can sm0ke & drink while he's in school. grow the fuck up. we have the same damn arguements EVERYDAY. just because my occupation is based on arguing a case, doesn't mean i want to come home & argue too.

i've tried every approach; staying quiet, ignoring, playing along, explaining, asking him nicely, nothing ever works. i'm so sick of this relationship. he doesn't even try to make me happy. he wakes up in the morning & says, "hm, what can i do to make aaliyah mad today?" -- literally. i've done everything his mind had conjured up to ask for. i am the female in the this relationship; i shouldn't have to do shit. i've been playing the part of a wife for 4 years & he's been playing himself; the asshole. he's only acts right when he wants something. sick shit, right? we break up every 3 hours or so. the only way he'll come out here is "if i find an apartment for him & get him out here" YESSIR ladies & gentleman, that's what comes out of his mouth. i'm supposed to be the lucky one?

the other day he says, "aaliyah, give me advice". i tell him what to do & what not to do on a CONSTANT basis. i'm not even a bitch about it. it's always, baby this, baby that. he's the biggest hypocrite on the face of this earth. everything i open my mouth it's, "here she goes". he's placed me in that "all you women" category. niggaaaaaa, i have people compliment me on the daily on how chill i am, how smart i am, understanding, all this other shit. he really does not know me. according to him i run my mouth about nothing, complain, am sensitive, selfish, a hypocrite, negative. fuck outta here, kid. i don't even get mad when he says these things because we both know he's talking shit. his own mother tells him to not disrespect me, treat me right, hold on to her. i really can't take much of this anymore. i'm not innocent but at least i'm real enough to admit shit. but to him, i "hold grudges". holding grudges to him means me being upset because something isn't resolved. lol? but he's the one always brining up resolved shit from the past. i mean shit.

i hate to say it but he's like a poison in my veins. i guess he's like therapy for cancer, in a sense. he literally injects poison into my system in order to "rid me of a disease." i don't get it, i honestly don't. i'm looked down upon, my character has been damaged all because i choose to stand by his side. everyone says i need to let go but i'm not a quitter. i've tried everything yo. suggested taking a break but nah, he doesn't see it like that. he flips everything & manipulates every situation. i can catch his dick in another female & then he'll turn the situation on me & turn me into the bad guy. i love him to death, he means the world to me -- i just don't know how much more i can take.